The Deathday Party (CoS 8)

So we’ve gotten a little behind on the posting/reading schedule and for good reason! Classes have resumed. It’s weird to get back into the swing of things.  In undergrad a new semester simply just meant figuring out what building to go to and then figuring how much sleep you could get in class or how much reading you could go without doing. (And believe me, I slept plenty in classes… probably would have done better if I hadn’t)

Law school is different. You get a new class schedule, have to figure out the syllabus, have to see how much reading you are going to be required to do, have to figure out how much detail the professor will want, figure out how to take notes for the class, what the teacher wants, what the teacher doesn’t want, which teacher is going to cold call, which teacher just wants discussion, how many tests you’ll have and so on and so forth. It’s a whole new schedule or class, sleep, workout and study. And the thing is, for the first week you sort of feel out-of-place.

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Which leads us to the story of the Golden Trio of Harry Potter:

Harry, Hermione and Ron attend Nearly Headless Nick’s Deathday party (a party celebrating the anniversary of his death) instead of going to the Halloween Feast. They get to the party hoping there would still be good food and fun, yet once they get there they realize they are the only ones who are living and not dead. Worst of all, they find out there is no food for them to eat, just a bunch of rotten food for ghosts to pass over and maybe “taste”. As they stand around at the party they see the different ghosts of the school and Hermione makes a comment about Moaning Myrtle, which of course the pesky poltergeist of the school then tells Myrtle causing a scene. They leave the party and Harry hears the voice int eh wall he heard a couple of nights before, and as they rush down the hallways, Harry following the voice, they find a wall painted in blood stating ” The Chamber of Secrets has been opened, enemies of the hair, beware.”

Harry, Hermione, and Ron go to Nick’s party out of respect for him and out of curiosity. But when they arrive, they start to regret missing out of the feast they are used to with their fellow students. They feel out-of-place.

The first week of the second semester of law school feels similar. Last semester we had formed study groups, gotten down routines, saw people regularly and by the end of the semester felt like we knew what we were doing each and every day. Then finals hit followed by winter break, and now returning to school, things feel really out-of-place. It’s an adjustment getting back into a routine with different study habits and assignments. Everyone is split in new ways, not necessarily bad ways, just new. As we head into a long weekend and have a chance to  catch up and get our bearings heading into the next week of classes we should start to feel a little more secure in where we are and what we are doing.

In the chapter Ron laments going to the party and suggests that if they left they may still be able to get pudding up at the feast… this upcoming week at school, I’m looking forward to the pudding (my old study habits and routines) and hope you are too!

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

 

P.S. May you Rest in Peace Alan Rickman… You will always be our Snape!

Mudbloods and Murmurs (CoS 7)

Happy New years from the Wizarding world of Law School to you! It’s been a terribly long winter break. I know 3.5 weeks doesn’t seem long, but when you go to class 5 days a week and have nothing but time consuming reading and assignments, 3.5 weeks away are definitely way too long. What’s even worse is that we are waiting for grades, which should be posted tomorrow. That’s right, we’ve gone a whole semester without any real indication as to where we stand. We’ve gotten small insights into where we might be, but tomorrow should tell us exactly where we are. The scariest part is that relationships are already changing (because that’s what happens when you get thrown together with a bunch of people you don’t know and are trying to figure each other out over the course of a semester), and getting grades threatens to tear some relationships apart. Grades become a status indicator (if and when we let them)…

And HP Chapt 7, status is making things a bit confusing for our golden trio.

originalRecap: Harry is woken up by Oliver Wood to go to a sunrise Qudditch practice where Harry is followed by Colin, this pesky kid who just wants to take Harry’s picture and have him sign it still. The Gryffindor Quidditch team works to keep their eyes open through Wood’s incessant talk to drills and plays. As soon as the team embarks on an actual practice the Slytherin’s show up with a letter from Snape saying they can practice eon the fields to train their new Seeker, Draco Malfoy (whose father incidentally bought the whole team brand new brooms). An argument ensues between Hermione, Ron, Harry, Draco and the two teams, and Hermione is called a mudblood. Ron tries to curse Draco where he will throw up slugs, but Ron’s broken wand malfunctions and instead curses Ron. The trio scurries off to Hagrid’s hut where Harry asks what a mudblood is exactly. He learns that it is a a derogative name given to a muggle born witch or wizard by horrible pure blood families.

14980790_743331435818979_6484132883521494097_n-2You see, even at Hogwarts status is a huge indicator of where you stand. While this doesn’t have to necessarily deal with their grades and is more like the pedigree their families hold (which can sometimes be a status indicator in law school too), it is a way of separating people by class. Our grades coming this week threaten to do the same to all of us, because there are already cracks there based on perceptions of people’s intelligence. Which sucks because we are all smart. We all got into law school, and as someone pointed out to me this past week Joe Biden (our current vice-president for only a little while longer) didn’t graduate in the top half of his class and look where he is sitting now.

But then again it’s human nature, we constantly feel the need to classify each other, to compare ourselves against others, to make ourselves stand out, and to make ourselves better than other people. It’s something we can’t shake off no matter how hard we try or how much we say we won’t change to be that way. We always end up losing people over silly things like grades, perceptions of intelligence, and hurts. But remember this, you are no better than someone else based on status. Hermione may have not been a pure blood witch, but she was smarter than everyone else in her class. Harry may have had (unwanted) fame, but he still had voids in him that nothing and no one could fill, and not to mention that whole part about being hunted by Voldemort. Ron may have been a pure blood and poor, but he belonged to one of best, dysfunctional, loving families in the world.

37d82475a1c7298df7a272d7cddb7c00So while we await grades tomorrow, and then spend the next few weeks walking around in a stupor, judging each other, letting our heads either become big or our hearts break, remember all the good you still have. Don’t let these grades confuse happiness and success… Success is finding happiness and finding happiness is success. Hermione had her great friends, Ron and Harry, beside her to pick her up when called nasty names and judged for her blood status… who are you going to let pick you up when you are down, and better yet, where is your happiness rooted?

May the odds be ever in our favor tomorrow.

 

Until next time,

Mischief managed

 

Gilderoy Lockhart (CoS 6)

The perfect winter break, what does that even look like?

tumblr_m4an67rdzj1qmr4gpo2_250If you ask certain law students it’s taking an actual break from doing anything law school related until the last-minute. Others would say it’s taking about 2.5 weeks off, then getting back to the swing of things like purchasing books and getting ready for the next semester. Then there are those students who have used winter break to get other things done like resumes, cover letters, buying school books and supplies, looking for summer jobs, getting a head start on classwork and so much more. It’s funny to look on Instagram or Facebook and see what people are up to, which path they’ve chosen or at least which path they want you to think they’ve chosen. That’s the thing with social media, you never know if people are being sincere or creating a story about their lives, and looking back on this semester, the stories we tell each other in law school are very similar.

Which brings us to the theme of this Harry Potter chapter: perceptions.

We will start with the usual chapter recap:

It’s the first day of classes at Hogwarts. As the students are attending breakfast Ron receives a Howler from Mrs. Weasley and it yells at him in front of everyone. They then run off to attend Herbology where Harry runs into Gilderoy Lockhart who talks to harry about the taste of fame and Harry’s stunt of arriving to school in a flying car. Harry shakes him off, until heading to Lockhart’s first Defense Against the Dark Arts class where Lockhart overhears another student asking Harry for an autographed picture. Lockhart then tells Harry a little more about the price of fame. As class commences the students are asked to answer a questionnaire about Lockhart based on their required reading of all of Lockhart’s books. Before the end of class Lockhart release a bunch of Cornish Pixies on the class, unable to get them back under control before the end of class, he leaves letting the Golden Trio to clean up his mess.

What I enjoy about Lockhart is just how well he can attract people to him. There’s something about how people present themselves that make you want to be around them. Lockhart gives out free advice (unsolicited), tries to relate with people he marks as his equal or potential equal, flashes his brilliant smile here and there, brags about his adventures and his life, and the crowd is hooked (or at least most of the crowd). That’s the interesting thing about being able to control how people perceive you.

In law school the busier you make yourself seem, the more you may seem to have everything together. The more relaxed you appear, the less you seem to care. The more times people see you in the library, the harder you appear to work than everyone else… and the situations are endless. Social media offers us the same platform to create the perfect life perceived by others and the pictures posted during the holidays are especially notorious for being snapshots of one perfect moment during the craziness of an imperfect day. At the end of the day, it truly is your story to tell and present in whatever manner you want, but there is trouble that brews from telling an unrealistic story to the world.

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When you set out to control the narrative, control how you are perceived by others you run the risk of having to then stay stagnant and/or something even worse… becoming burnt out trying to keep it up. Perfection takes a lot of work, and maintaining the perception of a perfect life can become very draining on you. We’ve seen it time and time again portrayed in television and movies, and by the end of this Harry Potter book we will see what great lengths Lockhart has gone through to make sure his narrative is perfectly crafted.

The thing is, you don’t have to pick one way of life and stick to it. You don’t have to follow the same study plan and tactics as the semester before. You don’t have to always stick to the same friend groups and study groups. You can allow yourself to grow, to branch out, to change before people’s eyes and things will be okay. Make your failures somewhat public, be honest and raw with people, live your life out loud whether it is good times or bad… because if you don’t people will come to expect you to be perfect, to always have the answers, to be at every study session, to host the perfect dinners, to come to events looking perfect and so on and so forth. Create space in our life for the imperfect narrative. Give people a chance to perceive you for you… to get to know who you are deep down, because while it may not come to haunt you now, it may come to hurt you later.

So make sure to take time this winter break (or what’s left of it) to determine whether your authentic self is showing up in everything you do, or if some very closed-off, perfect shell is showing up… and then determine who you want to be…because the new year is coming!

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

 

 

The Whomping Willow (CoS 5)

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Being hipsters with Paige!

Well I’m no longer in NYC, but after almost a full 8 hours (on Wednesday) of travel I am in my hometown of Las Vegas. I was nervous about returning to Las Vegas after leaving in June. Before heading off to law school I had a lot of responsibility from work to church and a good amount of friends, but I also had a lot of stress and bitterness towards all of the above. I had a great life: lived on my own in a great apartment, went to concerts and on trips regularly, had a lot of friend gatherings, a good paying job, made a home for myself at a great church which I loved serving at… I had a lot of great things going for me, but yet I still felt like I wasn’t enough, like everything around me wasn’t enough. Now, coming back after having time and distance from all my struggles and problems I noticed the major thread that connected everything together… high expectations.

In this chapter of Harry Potter a lot happens around the theme of expectations. Here’s the recap before we get into how expectations can help and hinder us.

Recap:

Summer break is coming to an end. Harry and the Weasleys head off to the train station running late after having to turn around many times to pick up forgotten items at the Burrow. They get to the station and everyone but Harry and Ron make it to Platform 9 3/4. Harry and Ron can’t get to the platform, so they take the flying car that the Weasley clan arrived to the station in. Ron denies to fly the car to Hogwarts after hearing his father talk about the invisibility booster. Desperate to get to Hogwarts Harry gets in the car and the two take off. Not too long after they head out on their journey the booster falters and they are spotted by muggles. The car starts to get tired on the long journey and as they make it to the school they hit the whomping willow. They are soon found by Snape and escorted into the school where they think for sure they will be expelled. Snape gets McGonagall and Dumbledore. McGonagall gives the two boys detention and then sandwiches, not expelling them from the school. Ron and Harry head up to their common room, being found and scolded by Hermione outside the Fat Lady’s portrait. Once inside the Gryffindor Common Room they are cheered by the rest of their house and then they head off to bed.

In this chapter Harry and Ron had three big expectations that did not come to fruition: (1) being able to easily access the platform to get to school, (2) the invisibility booster working on the car, and (3) being expelled from school. Each time something didn’t necessarily work out as expected they always had a small reactionary moment following the occurrence. Stress was always present in leading up to each moment as well. And that’s the thing about expectations. When we constantly have these mapped out expectations in our lives we are far more disappointed when things don’t necessarily work out or we stress ourselves out leading up to the expected moment. For me in my job I had expectations around every corner. I expected great things from my staff, from myself, from my customers, from my peers and from my leadership. Every single time things failed to meet my expectations or it felt like I was swimming against the current trying to meet my expectations I found myself extremely stressed out and upset. When my friends failed to stick to plans or act the way I wanted them to then I felt betrayed and hurt by their actions. My life was this one giant bubble of expectations that always popped and then resurfaced just to pop again later.

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Enjoying great coffee with my good friend Nicole… who had me pose for this photo…

When I went off to law school I brought that same mindset with me, except I didn’t know what to really expect from school, from people or really even from myself. I talked with a good friend one day about how she really was able to be so carefree about things. She responded with a simple thought: “I’ve come to only expect what I know people can give me and nothing more.” I’ve pondered on this idea for quite sometime and now being back in Vegas, back around all the things that used to stress me out, I’ve been putting that advice  to good use and amazingly things have been surpassing those expectations each day.

You see when you start to drop your expectations it allows you to relax, it allows room in your life for good things to happen, and it allows people to just be them and not feel forced to be something they are not.

I spent so much time trying to reach these high expectations and to hold people to high expectations that I missed out on just being able to sit back and live life with people. I let myself be stressed out all the time trying to keep people in these pretty boxes I wrapped up and put them in, that I missed out on seeing people for who they truly were, and I missed out on seeing who I truly was through it all. I crucified myself when things went wrong, taking the blame for not being able to be more than i truly was because people weren’t being who I wanted them to be. Looking on it now, I would have been perfectly happy with my life had I stopped trying to be the best, better than everyone already thought I was…

So my challenge for everyone this winter break and holiday season going into the time of making New Year Resolutions… drop the expectations and take time to just truly see the world and people around you. Don’t expect the holidays to be perfect, and laugh when things go not as planned. See the people around you for who they are and enjoy that person to the fullest. And most importantly… cut yourself a break. You are amazing. Take care of you, how you are now and drop the high unrealistic expectations you  place on yourself each and every day and just bask in your awesomeness. That’s what makes the world brighter, and that’s what has made my trip to Las Vegas such an amazing experience thus far. So you, yes you, go and relax into 2017 and see what happens, you won’t regret it.

Enjoy this holiday weekend, and look for another blog come our regular posting day this Sunday!

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

 

 

At Flourish and Blotts (C0S 4)

15622661_10154200121711538_4856493357796337214_nThis week I’m writing to everyone from a New York City apartment where I’ve been lounging around and hanging out with one of the best people in my life. There’s always something magical about NYC and always something new to explore. This is the third year I’ve visited the Big Apple and every single time I’ve come to the city it’s been a different experience…mainly because it’s been a different me each time.

This week in HP: The Weasley’s and Harry go to Diagon Alley by using Floo Powder. Harry of course has never used it and messes up ending up in Knockturn Alley. There he overhears a conversation between the Malfoy son and father before being found by Hagrid and being shuffled to Diagon Alley and Gringotts where everyone got their money and headed to purchase school books. At Flourish and Blotts the gang find themselves at a book signing by their new professor, Gilderoy Lockhart. Soon after their brief run-in with him the gang have to break up a fight between Mr. Wealsey and Lucius Malfoy before heading back to the Burrow.

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YES.

Every character in this chapter faces a moment where they feel some kind of inadequacy. Percy feels the need to change his circumstances and hides away from his family reading books about rising to power. Harry hides his fortune from the Weasleys, trying to hide his money when he knows the Weasleys have very little. Ron apologizes to Harry for not remembering that Harry knows nothing about traveling by Floo powder. Draco complains about Harry and Hermione being smart and in the spotlight, clearly showing his feelings of inadequacy compared to them. Lastly, Hermione’s parents stand back, waiting to be introduced to all of Hermione’s magical friends.

You see, no matter what we carry our insecurities, our feelings of inadequacy and our shame with us wherever we go. It changes he way we interact with the people and places around us, and it changes the way we see the world. The first time I came to NYC I brought a tinge of jealousy with me. I was jealous of my friend who moved here and got out of Las Vegas. I  viewed every interaction with the city as an opportunity to move here and out of my current life position. I interacted with everything as if it was a moment to impress the city, an interview of sorts. I left with a mission to get back here, to follow my friend and in turn ruined a friendship by being judgmental about her every moment of living here as well as her leaving the city to return to Vegas. The next time I came to NYC I came a bit jaded because my friendship had ended with the girl I first came to visit. I came to the city feeling low while having a good time hanging out with a huge family doing extremely touristy things. I wanted to post as many pictures as possible hoping that old NY friend of mine would see them and be jealous that I was here without her having a good time. I wandered the city wanting to be wanted, wanting the city to just take me in and love me because I felt lost and forgotten. Don’t get me wrong, the city was just as amazing like always, and the company I came with was great, but all I wanted was something more, because I felt so inadequate .

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Out in front of Alexander Hamilton’s house!

That fall, I took the LSAT and applied for Law School, destined to get out of Las Vegas… and here I sit wandering around the city laughing and exploring without a desire for more. the thing is I faced all those inadequacies I refused to acknowledged before. Law school will do that to you. All semester long we sit in classes wondering whether or not professors are going to call on us and embarrass us. We face our own insecurities when grades start to come back and we realize we may be at the bottom of the curve. We start to develop a self-care toolkit of affirmations (for when we don’t feel smart enough), emergency snacks (for those stressful study sessions), playlists (for both pumping us up and calming us down), good gossip friends (because sometimes gossip is the best medicine), exercise plans (to beat out that stress) and carved out alone time (to relax and mend the mind). We spend a lot of time stressing, trying to relax and trying to laugh.

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TRY THIS BAKERY! The cookies are worth it!

I’ve had moments of breaking down and having to build myself back-up and through those moments I found myself finally releasing some major emotional baggage and major insecurities. Law school is definitely more than just learning the law, but it’s about taking a moment to learn more about yourself. Being in NYC this time around isn’t about dreaming of moving here, or trying to outdo my past and outshine past trips. No, it’s about being with a great friend, taking in new sights, eating at amazing places and just laughing…

And all of this wouldn’t be possible without leaving Las Vegas and learning the ins and outs of the law. Thank goodness though it’s time for winter break and a time to reflect about jumping over that first hurdle known as the dreaded first semester.

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

PS Guys do me a favor and check out NYC’s newest, most fabulous blogger, my dear friend Lyn and his journey to explore a new life in this new city through his blog:

A Gay Man’s guide

It’s funny, it’s full of cussing and most of all it’s gonna have some great content and big thoughts… you won’t wanna miss out! CHECK IT OUT…

 

Dobby’s Warning (CoS 2)

This past Wednesday we took our first final exam as 1Ls and the studying that led up to that exam was interesting. Last week’s post explored the four types of studiers in law school. Right after I wrote that post I headed to the school to meet with some peers and go over criminal law (our first exam). There in that room alone were all of the study types I just mentioned and I wouldn’t have expected anything less.

15326472_10154138209451538_6644078397780171056_nIt’s funny how law school takes over life these days. A group of us recently went up to Vail to “get away” from the stress and madness of school (bringing all of our school stuff with us in case we wanted to study). We did a pretty good job of not studying, but drinking instead, yet law school always found its way back into the conversation. They tell us not to work the first year, to really study hard, and to put our hearts and souls into it. The thing they don’t tell us though is how consuming it can become when you approach it in this manner.  It eats away at you, you end up craving it, needing to bed n the law building to have purpose, you can’t live without it, and the thought of it being taken away from you puts you so far into a panic that nothing else matters… ever.

dobby_o_298964Which brings us to this week’s Harry Potter chapter. The dinner party from chapter one is in full swing, everyone is in their places. Harry saunters up to his room to find a strange magical creature sitting on his bed, a house-elf named Dobby. Bobby is there to tell Harry not to go back to Hogwarts this fall, for bad things are going to happen to him. Bobby reveals that he’s been interfering with the mail from Harry’s friends and has been trying to make sure Harry has no incentive to go back to school. At hearing this Harry lunges at Dobby and a chase ensues down the stairs and into the living room area where Dobby magics a pudding to come crashing down on one of the dinner guests. Dobby disappears, yelling ensues and a letter comes by owl into the house. Harry has been officially warned about using magic outside of school. Uncle Vernon is enraged at both the night’s events and finding out that Harry has been lying about being able to use magic outside of school. Vernon is so upset he puts bars on Harry’s window and won’t let Harry out of his room, not even for meals. Harry becomes more and more desperate to get back to Hogwarts, and then one night, a car pulls up to his second story room window, with a familiar face looking at him.

This week’s theme: desperation and purpose.

15349604_10154140305596538_1291549508218082386_nIn the last book, Harry had finally found his purpose at Hogwarts. He finally found a place where he belonged. He made friends, found that he was good at something, and felt at home. Then returning back to his Uncle and Aunt’s house he found himself longing to be back amongst the crazy staircases and the Gryffindor dormitories. He longed to hear from his friends and to laugh with them. Having no contact from his friends, having no way to practice his magic or to fly his broom, having to keep Hedwig locked up all the time, Harry was starting to feel alone and desperate to return to his new life.

That’s the thing about law school too. Not having classes every day and a week in between each final drives each person to madness. There are people who have gone to the school each and every day to study and to feel that purpose they had when school was in session. Then there are others, like the group that went to Vail, who try to remove themselves from school but end up talking about nothing but law school. It’s expected though when we don’t have anything else going on in our lives. Without a job, without non-law school friends and the normalities of our old lives, we become consumed by school and everything it has to offer. The thing is, law school is not our only purpose in life. We have so much more to offer the world, to conquer, to explore, see and do in this world. Yet here we all sit consumed with the fear of losing something that wasn’t always part of our lives.

And sometimes the only way to stop being consumed with something is to add other things to life… As this semester wraps up, I know I’m looking to branch out a bit more. I’ve gotten a job (working at the good old Starbucks again) and I’m going to start looking for other things to add that are not law school related to my life before I become so consumed with law school that all other parts of life lose meaning… and I would challenge others to do the same.

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

 

The Worst Birthday (CoS 1)

15037358_10154083719496538_8890789124630671730_nWell, there hasn’t been school in like a week and how odd that is for me at least. Thanksgiving break brought about a chance to relax and to enjoy our family and friends. Well… at least for some… a lot of people spent their breaks preparing for next week.

Before we get into what that looks like we first need to recap our first chapter of the second Harry Potter book! (Disclaimer: we are going to speed through this book… it’s my least favorite… so there will be two chapters a week until the end of it!)

Recap: We return to Number Four Privet Drive with Harry and the Dursleys. Harry is spending the summer back with his aunt and uncle, forced to keep all of his magical stuff to himself and locked away. Uncle Vernon is getting ready to have guests over for a big dinner and for some business talk. Everyone is preparing, rehearsing their lines, going over their moves and how they will greet, flatter and usher their guests around their home. And of course, Harry is to be hidden upstairs acting as if he doesn’t exist… on his birthday, of course.

Theme: As tribute to both Uncle Vernon and Final Exams starting this next week, this week’s theme is preparation!

In this chapter there are a few different types of preparation presented. You have The Uncle Vernon, The Dudley, The Aunt Petunia and The Harry Potter. The best part is they all relate to the different types of studiers I’ve seen this past week.557245bb7b0d0457bf20a7884eef4409

The Uncle Vernon: This type of studier is someone who plans every moment up to the exam. They study all the time in the days before the exam. They are independent, crafting their own study methods and advise others how to also create their own study plans. They make sure they take every past exam, work in study groups and then even harder when alone, have a meticulous outline full of all the info, and are at the school everyday studying (unless it’s a holiday then they study at home). These are the driven ones, the students who are going to stress out until they know for certain they are going to win big! They are devoted to their goals and want everything to fall into place, and will work till it does.

The Dudley: This type of studier is someone who lives under the motto: “I get by with a little help from my friends.” These are your charmers, your study group kings and queens, the people who are challenging others to help them learn. They are the smart cookies who work smarter, not harder. They work in groups to round themselves out and study with whoever they can find. They are devoted to helping others and themselves. The perfect mixture of charisma and devotion.

3dc3359c87bdd62aa4b6e6943b9633beThe Aunt Petunia: This type of studier is someone who sticks to the advice they were given by others who have gone before them. They keep to a laid out plan, following a strict plan of attack. They are quiet about their plans, about their outlines, and about what they do or do not know about the exam. They keep to themselves studying just the right way.


The Harry Potter:
This type of studier is someone who barely studies at all. They keep to themselves, hide away in a world of procrastination, have no part in the plans of others and tend to barely study. It doesn’t mean that they are slackers by any means. They just tend to stay hidden away until it’s time for the big test, working on not stressing.

Now you can be a mixture of these different study/ test-prepping types or just one, but either way it’s time to get our butts in gear and start getting ready for those first semester final exams!

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

 

The Forbidden Forest (SS15)

…and the further we travel into that dark, dark forest where the light slowly gets snuffed out we start to be consumed with more fear and anger and darkness.

In this chapter of Harry Potter, Hermione and Harry have been brought to Prof. McGonagall and Neville has also been found out of bed. All of them lose 50 points for Gryffindor, are lectured by Prof. McG, and sent to bed. Everyone is disappointed in Harry the next week or so for him losing enough House Points to put Slytherin in the lead for the House Cup. He is vilified and treated poorly for his actions. On top of that he also still has to go to detention which is with Hagrid traveling into the Forbidden forest to find injured unicorns. In the forest he encounters a cloaked figure that is killing the unicorns and drinking their blood. A centaur, against the ways of its kind, saves Harry from he figure and lets him ride on its back to safety, telling Harry about the severity of killing innocent creatures and warning him about the dangers to come.

You have slain something [unicorns] pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips.

There’s a lot that happens in the Forbidden Forest. Right now in our world it feels scary, like we are heading into the dark Forbidden Forest uncertain of what we are facing inside. We know that innocence is being killed and we just can’t seem to  wrap our minds around why. There are some creatures in the forest that seem to not care. They seem to just want to let the cards fall where they may and let fate unfold. They anger us. They make us uncomfortable. They unnerve us to the point where we want to lash out at them. Then there are those who show compassion. Those who make us believe we can still change the fate of our world, that we can keep the cards from falling into the wrong places.

The key is to keep looking for those little sparks of light. Those people who are still clinging to hope and fighting through the despair. We need to hold onto the idea that nothing is written in stone, there is nothing that we can’t change. We need to make sure we are working to protect the innocent and creating a better world.

If today you are still feeling scared, you have every right to feel that way, but know you don’t have to live in fear because there are millions of people who will fight for you. If you are feeling unimportant or disposable, know that there are millions of people who will fight for you. Turn around and head out of that dark dark forest, look for the light and keep walking towards it. You are not alone, no matter how much it may feel that way at this moment.

Harry found help in the darkness, and you can too. Don’t let the fear, anger or sadness keep you from fighting. Our future as a nation is not set in stone. “The planets have been read wrongly, before now, even by centaurs. I hope this is one of those times.” (Firenze)

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Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed

Norbert The Norwegian Ridgeback (SS 14)

Grieving, mourning, handling loss… the past week has been a week where I have seen so many people (including myself) handle devastation and heartbreak in a variety of ways. Reading for this week’s post was interesting. I sat down thinking that maybe I would try to read two chapters to help us push through the remaining 4 chapters of the first HP book and start the next one. I didn’t think I could produce two blog posts on the news of the week and law school, but alas, I was wrong. So this is post one for today, and chapter 15 will also be posted. I am not looking to argue either side, I am not going to write about what is right and what is wrong. I am not looking for people to get nasty and try and tell me I am wrong or right. I am simply working out my thoughts about this past week for the first time in writing, and I am asking that people are polite and understanding. If you can’t be those things, then please stop reading.

Recap: We find the golden trio starting to study (or at least Hermione pushing a study agenda on the other two) for upcoming exams. They see Hagrid suspiciously int he library getting books about dragons and decide to find out what is going on. They discover Hagrid has a dragon egg that he got in a nearby town from a stranger. When the egg is hatching Hagrid sends notice to the three and Draco Malfoy catches wind of what is happening. The three go to meet the hatchling and are followed by Draco who finds out about the dragon. Hagrid soon realizes that keeping a dragon, which is growing quickly, in a wooden hut isn’t the best idea. Ron and Harry make arrangements to have Norbert (the dragon) transported to Romania where Charlie, Ron’s brother, can take care of it. Upon taking it to the meeting place for pick up by Charlie’s friends and successfully getting Norbert securely into their custody, Harry and Hermione are caught by Filtch.

This week’s theme: Dealing with Grief.

Unless you’ve lived under a rock this past week you know that in the US the presidential election has caused a lot of turmoil. There are a lot of hurting people. There is a lot of fear and hate being spread around a broken country widening the divide of ideals. When I sat down to read this chapter, hoping to find something meaningful to say, something uplifting, all I could do was fixate on the heartbreak of having to let go of something you so dearly wanted. A lot of people who were rooting for Hillary Clinton to be not only the President of the US but also the first woman President of the US, and as the results rolled in this past Tuesday night,  a lot of people were left hurting.

Hagrid always dreamed of getting a dragon and when he finally got the chance to have one, there were many factors outside of his control that forced him to give up on that dream. It wasn’t an easy choice to make, for a while he tried really hard to keep holding on, to keep Norbert and not have to let him go… and then he was faced with the reality that he had to let him go, he didn’t have another option.

The grieving process isn’t easy. Hillary supporters put their faith in her platform. We worked hard to get people to vote for her. We believed in her message. We truly felt like she was qualified (with some minor hiccups…which are typical of anyone to have) for the job. We didn’t want to believe that Trump’s statements would be condoned by people. We truly believed that Hillary would be the next president and send a message to the people that anyone could be President of the US. We were inspired by her… and then Trump won the election. I went to bed knowing it was going to happen, and woke up terry eyed when it was true.

My grieving process was a call to action. Being sad and angry were not the steps I wanted to handle, so I didn’t. I made the decision to keep moving forward with my dream to make a difference in the world and not let this hold me back. The hardest part of grieving in your own way is realizing that everyone else is grieving in their own way too. For some people it’s attending protests. For some it’s trying to protect their families from maybe being deported. For some it’s arguing with people on Facebook. For some it’s smiling and trying to deny that anything is wrong. For some it’s crying and hugging and seeking support.

Whatever it is, to grieve is to heal. While we don’t know what the future will turn out to be exactly, right now we want to grieve our loss. There is nothing wrong with wanting to grieve, unless your grieving makes you sink low, so low you are down to the level of your opponent. Name calling, race blaming, and other insults are not going to help fix our problems going into the future, if anything it’s going to lead us further into darkness…

Nicolas Flamel (SS13)

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This week’s post is going to a bit of a personal one. It’s going to tackle the issue of mental health and law school through a single character of this week’s Harry Potter chapter and my own struggle with mental health issues. For the longest time I struggled to understand why I thought and acted the way I do. About 1.5 years ago I ended up going to a therapist and discovered that I suffer from GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). Now to a lot of people (my old self included) having GAD is kind of like a cop out for having a messed up brain. It sounds like it everyone has this disorder and that it’s just something therapists tell you to make you feel better about your messed up reactions and strange interactions with people. It sounds like it’s something they tell you to make you have something to blame when you are irrational or overwhelmed with stress. But I ensure you it’s more than that.

For example this week I had an anxiety attack at a huge event with tons of lawyers and opportunities to network all around. To most people I just looked angry or irrational and overwhelmed, but on the inside it was like there was a war raging. I wanted to walk into this crowded room, put onto brightest smile, talk to people, laugh with my friends and then do the volunteer job I was given, but I couldn’t. I stood there petrified, my chest was tight, the room felt small, my eyes felt watery, and my brain started to nit-pick everything. It actually started before we got to the place in general and that’s what usually happens. Panic sets in, then nit-picking begins, then the overwhelming shame of not being like everyone else enjoying this event sets in, and then it all becomes too much and then it’s time to withdraw from the crowd and obsess over how you screwed up.

Looking back on my life, I don’t know exactly where anxiety became a part of me, but it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Last year it was getting better. I refuse to go on medication for it (not that I judge those who do take medication for it) and try to really tackle it with other methods like exercise and nutrition. It was working, I could start to see where I was being irrational or tame the obsession of over analyzing an attack afterwards but in law school it’s really hard always stay a few steps ahead of my anxiety because law school creates more anxiety with every assignment and class.

In this week’s chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone while Harry, Ron and Hermione search everywhere to figure out who Nicolas Flamel is and how they can keep harry Safe during the next quidditch match (where Snape, who they think is trying to steal the sorcerer’s stone which is hidden in the school, is refereeing) there is another character who is fighting his own battle. At the beginning of the chapter we find Neville Longbottom stumbling into the Gryffindor common room, his legs stuck together with a binding curse. Hermione undoes the curse and the golden trio starts telling neville how he should fix his bullying issue with Malfoy. Hermione tells him to tell McGonagall and Ron tells him that he needs to stand up for himself more. This of course overwhelms Neville who snaps back and tells them that he doesn’t want anymore trouble and he definitely doesn’t want to be told he isn’t brave enough to be in Gryffindor by not standing up for himself. Harry, the odd voice of reason here, reassures Neville that he is worth “12 of Malfoy” and is braver than he thinks. Later they head out to the quidditch match and while Harry is out playing, Draco starts with his bullying of Neville and this time Ron in the stands. There Neville repeats what Harry said about him being 12 of Malfoy and Ron cheers him on, thus ensuing a fight where the two boys attack Draco, Crabbe and Goyle.

Neville embodies this week’s theme: standing up for yourself.

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Neville is one of those characters who will go through a major metamorphosis throughout the series. Rowling doesn’t give us much to work with in understanding why he is so timid in this book, but as the series goes on and we discover more of his story, we will start to see him not only grow but be understood better. I love this chapter because Neville and I share a lot of the same sentiment in how we view ourselves. For me, my bully is the anxiety that lives with me, constantly there to remind me I’m not as brave or smart or capable as others, for Neville he has Draco and sometimes even his friends (who don’t seem to do it on purpose). I’ve noticed though that in law school it’s not always something like an anxiety disorder that bullies people into similar thoughts. A lot of times it’s something as simple as self-doubt, stress, worry and just feeling lesser than our peers.

It’s easy to get bogged down by mental health issues and start to feel like a fraud. Neville feels like he maybe shouldn’t be a Gryffindor, and I know for myself and countless others a lot of 1L students feel like they shouldn’t be law students at all, that the school made a mistake in allowing them to attend. The key though is to start believing the opposite. When Harry tells Neville he is worth 12 of Malfoy and Neville believes it, he stands up for himself. He may have ended up getting a little too confident in trying to take on Crabbe and Goyle, but he stood up for himself and the seed of confidence was planted.

For me, after feeling like a failure in controlling my anxiety at the Law Stars event and then in a lot of my conversations and interactions after that, I found a little confidence in getting back a paper. If you remember a few blog posts back I told everyone I received one of the lowest grades in my class on a paper (that grade being an 8.4/10). This week we received our second memo back and I was almost in tears at seeing a 9.5 as a grade. Now it’s still not the best (which my perfectionist mind loves to remind me), but it’s progress and progress that give me enough confidence to go forward into the final few weeks of the semester knowing that I’m not a fraud and can handle this. It helps to quiet the bullying voice of my anxiety that keeps trying to keep me from doing great things. It helps me stand up for myself.4645bd8df0f245e1e71515fb05359f27

The key to standing up for yourself is to cherish the little triumphs. Whether it’s making great networking connections, seeing progress in classes, feeling like you understand a topic or just being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, whatever it is cherishing those moments can help you take steps forward to overcoming the doubt inside, the stress in front of you and the things trying to pull you back. Mental health is a very key part of law school, and a lot of people don’t talk about their issues. A lot of people put on a front and try to remain strong and confident in front of their peers because of the competition between us all. The thing is, not being able to talk about and share your mental health issues or experiences makes the world a very lonely place, especially when you start to find out that a lot of people around you, the ones you are hiding your problems from have the same problems and can fight the bullies alongside you. Neville would have never stood up to Draco and his goonies had Ron not fought with him and Harry not given him the nugget of courage to do so.

Mental health issues shouldn’t be something we are ashamed of, because they are part of who we are. If we shine a light on them, talk about them and share our experiences (triumphs and defeats) with others we gain more people fighting in our corner with us. There are no better triumphs then being able to face your bullies with your friends beside you. I know that I couldn’t make it through this semester without people cheering me on and pushing me forward when I just want to quit. Face your fears, face your bullies and keep moving forward with the people who care about you.

Until Next Time,

Mischief Managed