I recently found a journal that a friend gave me before I left for Colorado. Inside i found the note that reminded me not to forget my first love: writing. There’s something so calming about writing, something so soothing about being able to have a safe space (like a journal) to express your deepest sorrows, regrets and sadness in alongside your happiest thoughts, proudest moments and love of life. having something that is all yours, something that keeps you together, something that lets you express every feeling without judgment or ridicule, that’s something important in life.
IN this chapter of HP we find that Aunt Marge has come for a visit. Harry and Uncle Vernon have struck a deal that if Harry behaves then Vernon will sign his permission form to go to Hogsmeade while at school. Aunt Marge is a nasty lady (and not in the good sense of the word). She ridicules Harry constantly and then one night turns to ridicule his dead parents. Harry can’t take it anymore and lashes out, accidentally blowing up his Aunt (like a giant balloon). And then he flees…
As finals start to wind down (the final week!!) it has me thinking, reflecting really, on the last year. There have been many moments where I too have felt like Harry. Those moments where you just can’t take it anymore and your emotions get the best of you. Back home in Las Vegas this used to happen more often than not. Here at law school its happened a few times but its only when I haven’t felt safe in expressing my true feelings or in trusting people. Law school is an interesting place around finals time, everyone goes off to do their own things. We study with different people. We stop talking to close friends. We become hermits. Its kind of a natural way of dealing with stress and competition (no one wants to admit it, but its there with the curve sometimes being so tight).
If you deal with anxiety, this can be off putting. You don’t really know all of a sudden who to trust. One part of your mind says that your friends are still your friends, its just a weird time. The other part of your mind says DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER and you start to metaphorically and physical (by phone) blow people up. Its a crazy sensation filled with irrational reactions to rational feelings.
Feeling safe is an extremely important part of law school. You want to feel safe in expressing your opinions and not be called fake or stupid. You want to feel safe in making new friends and not have to second guess whether or not they will think you aren’t smart enough to be around them. You want to feel safe in your studying habits and lifestyle choices. You just want to feel safe… and its hard when you have no parents or family around you to make you feel that.
I think if Harry would have had at least the support of Petunia in the room things could have been different. Aunt Marge wouldn’t have become a balloon. But when you feel alone and attacked, outburst will happen. So don’t forget to check in on the people around you. Sometimes all we need in life is a little support and care to make us feel safe with the people around us. Sometimes all we need is someone to double check on us to keep the outbursts away. Sometimes all we need is someone to stand beside us and defend ourselves. Sometimes all we need is a little understanding.
Until next time,